I have thought about writing this down for sometime but I have struggled with if I should or not because well... you will know why after.
I am so addicted to watching the biggest loser! So motivational and inspiring and... Makes you want work out instead of sitting on your duff for two hours watching the show. The biggest loser also makes me cry.. Tear up every show! With out fail..anyone else with me?!?! 🙋🏻 If your not watching you might not have any idea what I am talking about. An episode recently aired with Rob and Sarah ( father/ daughter team) Sarah was telling her father that he was her Hero. Rob stood there. Bob then told Rob "do you hear what she is saying"? "You are her hero" Rob started to cry and was in disbelief... This really hit home for me because I remember being 5 or 6 and I did some project or drawing and I wrote that my dad was my hero.
Flash forward 25 years to me watching this episode of Biggest loser... I am balling! Crying my eyes out. I have spent the majority of my life telling myself. Making myself believe that not having my father active in my day to day life growing up has NOT affected me. Crazy, right? Everything in your life affects you in some way shape or form. It has taken me until recently for me to look back and realize.
Two weeks ago my oldest had grandparents day at her school. She had a blast and loved it!! What she said to me when we got home left me heart broken. She said "hey mom do you know some people have two grandpas?" She looked at me like it was such a crazy concept, I had no idea what to say to her so I just looked at her and said "yes I know."
Now without telling my whole life story basically my father is not some bad guy, he always sent us birthday cards for me or my kids. He lives fairly close to us and is around. I wanted to write this down so I didn't forget him being absent has affected me, not only me but my kids. Who don't know him like the other grandparents. Breaks my heart. My oldest is about the age right now when my parents got divorced or spilt up. I try to block things out and not ask to many questions. I basically want to leave you with this. If you are a father or mother of a child , girl or boy. You not being there will affect them.
Lots of love,
Steph
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Monday, May 4, 2015
Adventures in mommyland
As most of you know I am a stay at home mom now.... I am currently on day 4 of stay at home mom life. ... Since I was 13ish I have had a job, started out doing a paper route with my mom. When I had a corporate job I use to hate cleaning my house, Hate it! Because if I cleaned it was taking up my free/ relax/ time with the kids. Now I love cleaning! It's not this annoying thing that takes my free time away. I also have more time with my family! I get to see my husband everyday and not just once in awhile. I get to play with my kids and not stress about the following day.. Did I do the laundry/ does my oldest have stuff for her lunch/ the morning chaotic run around trying to get everyone (including myself) put together in time for the day.
I get to have quality time with each kiddo!! Because they see me more now there is not the craziness of them all attacking me at once for my attention. Today I got to play cars with Tyler, He loved it! even though he mostly threw his cars, I got to watch frozen with Brooklynn while Tyler took a nap and Brynn Lara and I made cookies!!! Yesterday we mad a fort in the backyard!! I am also able to cook dinner for my family instead of me and my husband "fending for ourselves " aka eat whatever you can make quickly for yourself or eat whatever the kids are having.
I also have a lot more patience, usually everything is this horrible game of hurry up and eat or hurry up and get dressed or hurry up and get to bed, hurry up the kids need a quick bath and hurry up etc... now 90% of the hurry up is gone which is amazing and my kids probably like this mommy much better now that i can just let them be kids :)
I know this stay at home mom is all still new to me so it still feels like just a vacation but I am excited. I get to love on my kids and be there for them in a different way then before. I have the rest of my life to work until I die, right now this time it's about my family!
❤️ Steph
I get to have quality time with each kiddo!! Because they see me more now there is not the craziness of them all attacking me at once for my attention. Today I got to play cars with Tyler, He loved it! even though he mostly threw his cars, I got to watch frozen with Brooklynn while Tyler took a nap and Brynn Lara and I made cookies!!! Yesterday we mad a fort in the backyard!! I am also able to cook dinner for my family instead of me and my husband "fending for ourselves " aka eat whatever you can make quickly for yourself or eat whatever the kids are having.
I also have a lot more patience, usually everything is this horrible game of hurry up and eat or hurry up and get dressed or hurry up and get to bed, hurry up the kids need a quick bath and hurry up etc... now 90% of the hurry up is gone which is amazing and my kids probably like this mommy much better now that i can just let them be kids :)
I know this stay at home mom is all still new to me so it still feels like just a vacation but I am excited. I get to love on my kids and be there for them in a different way then before. I have the rest of my life to work until I die, right now this time it's about my family!
❤️ Steph
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
12 months
As I write this, I think back to Exactly one year ago today..... I was sleeping in the recliner down stairs with my 6 day old son. I woke up at 10pm to use the restroom and that is what began the three longest and scariest days of my life. (Click Here to read my full story from last year) I recently was cleaning my room and I came across this paper work....
What baffles me the most is where it says Why were you hopitalized: Your primary diagnosis was: not on file....????!?! Are you serious? I still do not know how or why or what really happened to me or my body and neither do the doctors. It is scary how one moment you are just fine and the next clinging to life.
I will always remember those days because those days put things into perspective for me. We are all human and we all are born and we all must die. I will not live forever, I am not invincible and life is too short for so many people. I GOT A SECOND CHANCE, I am so thankful for that.
 |
What baffles me the most is where it says Why were you hopitalized: Your primary diagnosis was: not on file....????!?! Are you serious? I still do not know how or why or what really happened to me or my body and neither do the doctors. It is scary how one moment you are just fine and the next clinging to life.
I will always remember those days because those days put things into perspective for me. We are all human and we all are born and we all must die. I will not live forever, I am not invincible and life is too short for so many people. I GOT A SECOND CHANCE, I am so thankful for that.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
I just knew...
Since I have made the transition to a new job fairly recently people that I work with are surprised when I tell them I have 3 kids, they are then shocked again when I tell them their ages, their eyes get all big and then something along the lines of "you have your hands full" or "how do you work full time and have 3 kids" or some other sort of crazy thing. Yes, my hands are full and yes there are days that are hard and I have no sleep, etc etc etc... Well let me back the story up a bit...
I remember sitting on my bed shortly after brooklynn was born telling my husband I knew I was not done having kids.. The look on his face ... Ha ha he looked at me like I was crazy! (Maybe a little). All the hormones after having a baby make a girl a little crazy...But I remember feeling that there was this son I was supposed to have and I was so upset that I could never meet him. I remembered praying (not for a son) but for The Lord to make peace in my heart if I was supposed to be done having children because we (Jacob and I) never really thought we would have three kids.
Jacob had made peace within himself that he was to have these two sweet healthy girls and that was all.... I would even ask friends that have several kids how do you know when you are done? Aren't you sad that you won't have anymore babies?!? I just didn't understand.
I remember sitting on my bed shortly after brooklynn was born telling my husband I knew I was not done having kids.. The look on his face ... Ha ha he looked at me like I was crazy! (Maybe a little). All the hormones after having a baby make a girl a little crazy...But I remember feeling that there was this son I was supposed to have and I was so upset that I could never meet him. I remembered praying (not for a son) but for The Lord to make peace in my heart if I was supposed to be done having children because we (Jacob and I) never really thought we would have three kids.
Jacob had made peace within himself that he was to have these two sweet healthy girls and that was all.... I would even ask friends that have several kids how do you know when you are done? Aren't you sad that you won't have anymore babies?!? I just didn't understand.
I remember crying/praying a lot for peace in my heart to not want anymore children or for Jacob to be onboard with his crazy wife and walk the path of parents of three children.... We all know how this story ends up, but what you don't know is that internally i knew i was having a boy and I even spelled out his name with letter blocks in the nursery before we knew the third baby was a boy(via ultrasound) I knew Tyler was supposed to be here... To be my son! I am so grateful that once I had him The Lord blessed me with peace in my heart. I have no desire for more children, I am so blessed for the ones I've got!!!
Friday, September 13, 2013
A close call
September 10th at 10:50pm I woke up to feed my baby. Upon standing I had blood running down me like water pouring out. I ran to the bathroom and I had ended up filling three pads full of blood with in 10 minutes. I ran upstairs to wake my husband and told him I needed to go to the ER. I called my mom and told her to come over right away. I left my husband at home with the kids and drove myself. The ER was about 10 minutes away I knew I should be able to make it there in time and I didn't have time to wait for my mom to arrive before leaving.
I arrived at the ER at about 11:15pm. They did not know why I was bleeding so much. I was not in any physical pain at all. Just a lot of blood pouring out of me. I basically laid in the ER with the doctor and nurses watching me and hoping for the blood to stop.
It is now 1am, the bleeding is still uncontrollable. They take me upstairs to have an ultrasound to see if I happen to have an tissue or placenta still left in my uterus. My ultrasound came back good. No tissue. No Placenta. No nothing. They wheeled me back downstairs to the ER where it is now three in the morning and they gave me a shot in the arm with something that was supposed to stop the bleeding. Well it did not work.
They kept watching me bleed non-stop. I had been bleeding so much that I had to have them change my pads and puppy pads that were underneath me every 15 minutes from arriving at the ER because blood was pouring off of the bed and on to the ER floor.
Now it is about 5am and I am still bleeding. The ER doctor comes in and says well we don't know why you are bleeding and we can't stop it but we are going to send you home and you can go see an OB/GYN at 9am. I was absolutly baffled those words came out of his mouth and I refused to leave the ER bleeding. I told him I was not going home to die from blood loss. About five minutes later I got really light headed and couldn't sit up anymore, I almost passed out, my heart rate and blood pressure dropped fast. So fast that several people came running into my room, all I could hear is an alarm beeping from the monitors behind me and someone saying "get another IV in her we need to do a blood transfusion" I already had one IV in my arm but they were needing two. They hooked me up with two liter of blood. one on each side of my arm.
I felt like i was in a dream like state. I kept crying to my husband "don't let me die". "Make them help me". All i could think about as the nurses and doctors rushed around was how I was going to die and I was going to leave my young children without their mom. I kept praying "please Lord let them find a way to stop my bleeding, please Lord" Holding my husbands hand he kept telling I wasn't going to die and that I am in the hospital and they will help me, even though i could tell on his face he wasn't so sure they could. He was being brave for me and telling me what I wanted to hear. I told him I was feeling really sleepy and to keep waking me if I fell asleep...... Finally the blood transfusion helped but I was still bleeding.
At this point it is now almost 8am and I have been bleeding for almost 9 hours straight uncontrollably. At one point I hear the nurse say to another nurse "we need to get an OB/GYN in here right now to see this patient" we had been waiting to see someone and they never came so they contacted another OB/GYN that finally arrived at about 8:15am.
He inserted the speculum and examined me. There was several nurses holding me down as he used large long Q-Tips to remove large pieces of tissus/blood clots the size of my fist. (no pain meds) My husband held my hand as I was crying and screaming so loud in pain. This lasted for what felt like forever but really only 10 minutes or so. Once he removed everything he began to push and pound on my stomach. I was crying so loud again in pain. I was then given two more shots in the arm, two pills to take by mouth and the doctor placed 5-6 pills in my bottom.
It's now 10am and the bleeding has finally slowed. They admitted me to the regular part of the hospital where they observed me for the next day and a half. I was so weak, I could not sit up, feed myself or walk. from there I was monitored every 2-4 hours. I was finally discharged from the hospital September 12th. All of my vitals came back good except for my HCT level (blood) it was at a 24. I am so grateful for the Lord guiding the nurses and doctor that helped finally stop the bleeding.
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and prayers!! Praise the Lord!
I arrived at the ER at about 11:15pm. They did not know why I was bleeding so much. I was not in any physical pain at all. Just a lot of blood pouring out of me. I basically laid in the ER with the doctor and nurses watching me and hoping for the blood to stop.
It is now 1am, the bleeding is still uncontrollable. They take me upstairs to have an ultrasound to see if I happen to have an tissue or placenta still left in my uterus. My ultrasound came back good. No tissue. No Placenta. No nothing. They wheeled me back downstairs to the ER where it is now three in the morning and they gave me a shot in the arm with something that was supposed to stop the bleeding. Well it did not work.
They kept watching me bleed non-stop. I had been bleeding so much that I had to have them change my pads and puppy pads that were underneath me every 15 minutes from arriving at the ER because blood was pouring off of the bed and on to the ER floor.
Now it is about 5am and I am still bleeding. The ER doctor comes in and says well we don't know why you are bleeding and we can't stop it but we are going to send you home and you can go see an OB/GYN at 9am. I was absolutly baffled those words came out of his mouth and I refused to leave the ER bleeding. I told him I was not going home to die from blood loss. About five minutes later I got really light headed and couldn't sit up anymore, I almost passed out, my heart rate and blood pressure dropped fast. So fast that several people came running into my room, all I could hear is an alarm beeping from the monitors behind me and someone saying "get another IV in her we need to do a blood transfusion" I already had one IV in my arm but they were needing two. They hooked me up with two liter of blood. one on each side of my arm.
I felt like i was in a dream like state. I kept crying to my husband "don't let me die". "Make them help me". All i could think about as the nurses and doctors rushed around was how I was going to die and I was going to leave my young children without their mom. I kept praying "please Lord let them find a way to stop my bleeding, please Lord" Holding my husbands hand he kept telling I wasn't going to die and that I am in the hospital and they will help me, even though i could tell on his face he wasn't so sure they could. He was being brave for me and telling me what I wanted to hear. I told him I was feeling really sleepy and to keep waking me if I fell asleep...... Finally the blood transfusion helped but I was still bleeding.
At this point it is now almost 8am and I have been bleeding for almost 9 hours straight uncontrollably. At one point I hear the nurse say to another nurse "we need to get an OB/GYN in here right now to see this patient" we had been waiting to see someone and they never came so they contacted another OB/GYN that finally arrived at about 8:15am.
He inserted the speculum and examined me. There was several nurses holding me down as he used large long Q-Tips to remove large pieces of tissus/blood clots the size of my fist. (no pain meds) My husband held my hand as I was crying and screaming so loud in pain. This lasted for what felt like forever but really only 10 minutes or so. Once he removed everything he began to push and pound on my stomach. I was crying so loud again in pain. I was then given two more shots in the arm, two pills to take by mouth and the doctor placed 5-6 pills in my bottom.
It's now 10am and the bleeding has finally slowed. They admitted me to the regular part of the hospital where they observed me for the next day and a half. I was so weak, I could not sit up, feed myself or walk. from there I was monitored every 2-4 hours. I was finally discharged from the hospital September 12th. All of my vitals came back good except for my HCT level (blood) it was at a 24. I am so grateful for the Lord guiding the nurses and doctor that helped finally stop the bleeding.
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and prayers!! Praise the Lord!
Friday, September 6, 2013
The Arrival Of Tyler Craig Findley
(( Disclaimer: Below are photos from my birth))
After being bumped from my scheduled induction on September 3rd I finally got to go in on September 4th at 7:15am. When I was admitted I was at 4cm and having contractions on my own but they weren't getting longer and stronger. Around 9am They hooked me up to the Pitocin and that changed everything. At 1:15pm My doctor came in and broke my water and at that time I was at 5cm. I ended up having strong enough contractions that I got my epidural at 2:30pm. This was the most numb I have been with an epidural. They said they would come back and check me at 5:30pm, but at 4:30pm I started throwing up a lot... yay! and then I threw up some more.... the nurse came in and said I bet your fully dialated.... but I did not have the urge to push like I have had in the past with an epidural. My Doctor came in to check on me at a few minutes to 5pm and I was in fact at 10cm. YAY!! time to push! I started pushing at a few minutes past 5pm and after about 15 minutes of pushing Tyler was born at 5:22pm weighing 8lbs 9.6 ounces and 20 inches long. This was by far the easiest and almost fastest labor. It was nice and calm in the delivery room since it was just my family, one doctor and one nurse. It was not that way with my last two. This is truly bitter sweet being my last birth and my first BOY! There is nothing like seeing your child be born and come right to your chest. It's an amazing miracle. I am now a mom to two girls and a boy! Praise the Lord for a healthy baby, momma and delivery! Very blessed! My heart is full <3 !
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
40 & 1
I am currently 36 weeks and 1 day. I have been having lots of contractions but nothing that stays or is consistent. I keep having dreams that he is coming! I am up every two hours and I am ready to have him here. I went to the doctor today and I am measuring 40cm and I am dilated 1cm. I am nervous about how to adjust to be a mom of three with only two hands. eeek. Tips? Advice?
Fun Fact about August 15th: My mom's due date when she was pregnant with me was originally August 15th but I came 2 and a half weeks early and My husbands birthday is August 15th CRAZY huh?? So maybe Tyler will decide to show up tomorrow or claim a different day for himself.
Any Guesses on when he will arrive?
Fun Fact about August 15th: My mom's due date when she was pregnant with me was originally August 15th but I came 2 and a half weeks early and My husbands birthday is August 15th CRAZY huh?? So maybe Tyler will decide to show up tomorrow or claim a different day for himself.
Any Guesses on when he will arrive?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)